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You can't be late especially if the person is financially supporting you," Scott said. Peter criticized his clothing, confiscated bad carbs from his apartment, ordered him to keep his hair short and styled, and prohibited him from wearing running shoes. The relationship ended after two years because Peter went bankrupt.
With that being said, he isn't oblivious to the control he forfeits whenever a daddy whips out his authority, admitting that it can be "disempowering and very emasculating. Elijah, a year-old student at George Brown College, has always been attracted to much older guys. He unintentionally started dating one sugar daddy a few years ago and has had four since then: Elijah met three of his daddies on Grindr and the other on Scruff. The men were generous with their cash, and while he was never really struggling for money, he knew he could use the extra bucks.
They gave him money for cabs and leisure, high-end dinners and expensive gifts. Unlike Scott, Elijah's relationships were sexual, but they didn't last long. Out of all of his daddies, the accountant gave Elijah the most extravagant experience—but he also exhibited the most control. After weeks of pampering, he became super overprotective.
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It got to the point where he was literally treating Elijah like his son, so the younger man broke it off after two and a half months. During my interview with Elijah, he suggested that the absence of a father figure in his life could be a reason for his interest in older guys. When I asked Scott about his relationship with his dad, he said that they didn't speak for four years when he was a teenager, and are still patching things up.
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Alex Borovoy, a Toronto-based psychotherapist who works with LGBT and straight couples and singles, agrees that this attraction can be magnified by a lack of a paternal presence, but wouldn't prescribe such a sweeping hypothesis to every gay sugar relationship. Borovoy also looks at the daddy's side of things when it comes to a possible lack of a father in his life. This factor recurred multiple times in my conversations with male sugar babies, and though it's impossible to generalize an entire community, the idea does seem to carry some weight.
Barry, a midtown Toronto man who prefers to leave out his last name, has wanted to find a sugar daddy for many years.
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While he is currently in a long-term relationship with a woman, he is attracted to the idea of having an older man call the shots and pamper him. He too brought up his relationship with his dad.
I should also mention that Barry is 55 years old. When I contacted him through a gay sugar daddy page on Facebook, I naively assumed he was a sugar daddy. But male sugar babies can range widely in age, and after having been with older men in the past, Barry is interested in having a sugar daddy—if he manages to leave his current partner. He's not worried about any daddy drawbacks.
When Scott and I had our last interview on his 29th birthday he seemed genuinely happy. These days he's single and active on Seeking Arrangement.
A couple of months ago he met an older gentleman at a seminar who brought up possibly helping him with his tuition debt. Sitting across from him inside Yorkville's Hazelton Lanes, one of Toronto's most high-end shopping areas and Scott's choice of location, I noticed his hair was long and he was wearing running shoes. If he were still with Peter, that would have been a no-no.
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